This post is important. It’s important because who I am is directly related to the foundations that the Pembina Valley Wellness Studio is built on. It is, in fact, why I created the Pembina Valley Wellness Studio in the first place.
I’ve always been mostly fit throughout my life. Always fairly athletic, always active. Even the ‘freshman 30’ that I put on during my first year of university wasn’t an issue. I’ve always played sports, and always had a gym membership off-and-on throughout my adult life. I made the same goals or resolutions that a lot of people make; every year I was going to get fitter. Be healthier. I’d do really well at the start, then ever so slowly decrease the number of days a week that I went to the gym, and eventually end up wasting a month of two of my membership by not going at all. I was ok with that. In another six months, I’d start the same cycle all over again. It was a system that worked for me. My metabolism must have been fairly high, or maybe good genes. Whatever it was, I found a way that worked for me. I didn’t know it at the time, but my struggle was not going to be my body shape, it was going to be my mind.
I was a horribly judgemental person; always judging myself and others. A bit of a procrastinator, but also a perfectionist. I’d constantly be comparing myself to others, and berating myself when I didn’t measure up. I wanted everybody to like me and say nice things about me. I was a people pleaser, a put everybody else first kind of person; an “oh, excuse the mess” kind of person if you entered my home, even after I had spent the last two hours before your arrival cleaning it. I did everything in my power to live the spotlight reel that I was seeing on social media, but was unable to be 100% successful at it. As my life changed, it kept getting harder to keep all the balls in play in the juggling game I was playing – the mom me, the wife me, the career woman me, the clean house me, the healthy eating/cook me, the Betty Crocker ‘make-bread-from-scratch’ me, the fit/exercising me – you name it, anything someone else was doing well, I had to do it too. I didn’t feel like I had to do it 100% amazingly well, but well enough to fake it so that everybody would think I was awesome.
This is usually the time when people insert a sad/scary/life changing moment into their story, where it was all suddenly clear to them that things had to change. No life altering moment for me where I woke up one day and suddenly decided to take back my life! In fact, there’s not even a happily-ever to my story. Yet. Because I’m still writing my story. I did get tired of trying so hard. I was tired of being tired. I questioned pretty much every aspect of my life; is this really how the rest of my life goes?! Let’s be real for a second – the thought of doing the same thing, being the same everyday, felt like I’d be living on repeat – routines done the same way, the same time. Every. Single. Day. I could not do it!
Fast forward to a few days, weeks, months, while I pondered life and the meaning of it all (including the deep question of our place in life in the grand scheme of things), to a day at work where I decided that some of the students would benefit from yoga; learning to be still and silent and be okay with spending time with just themselves for company. I had been doing yoga myself for a while (probably because at some point I had seen somebody else doing it well), so I emailed Sheena at Harmony Tree Studio to look into yoga teacher training. Skippy-Skip ahead through some more searching and questioning and I became a 200hr registered yoga teacher. But I couldn’t do the hard stuff. The hand stands, the arm balances; couldn’t do any of that. Fast forward some more and insert Devloo’s Gym, where I start to get serious about getting stronger. After being fit all of my life, imagine my surprise when I didn’t really know a single thing about building muscle, feeding my body to fuel it, rest, recover… there was just so much! After hours spent on the internet, sifting through correct and incorrect information held together with biased opinions and subtle advertising gimmicks, I decided it would be best to actually take classes on it. Classes on how the body is made and functions, how to build muscle correctly to reach specific desired results, and what-do-you-know, I started getting stronger myself.
Through yoga I have learned about letting life flow the way that it is meant to, to breathe through tough or stressful situations. Through strength training I learned about consistency, building on gains, how to target specific muscle groups to get stronger. And from both of them, I am learning what living a balanced life really means.
Here’s what I have learned so far on my own journey to balance:
1. Balance is not restricted eating programs of no sugar or no carbs.
2. Balance is not about hours of cardio.
3. Balance is not about always being perfect.
4. Balance is not about killing myself at work.
5. Balance is about me accepting my body where it is at.
6. Balance is about constantly growing.
7. Balance is about listening to my body.
8. Balance is about understanding when it’s time to do work things, when it’s time to do home things, and when it’s time to do self things.
9. Balance is about actually living my life, not just going though the motions.
10. Balance is about understanding that my balance is always going to be changing.
And with that in mind – I say HELLO to the next chapter in my search for balance! I look forward to being on this journey with you!
Amanda